Men have pulled off the greatest con ever on women!

Something I picked up from yesterday's Gulf Daily News....I liked it and I share his opinion..

Men have pulled off the greatest con ever on women!

By LES HORTON

The war of words continues to rage on our letters page over whether or not women should be covered.

Readers are busy debating whether a woman who is covered is a victim of male subjugation, or whether she is actually enjoying more freedom beneath the veil than her uncovered counterparts.

The pro-covering lobby advocates the view that a covered woman commands more respect and is therefore "free" from being harassed by men's stares or unwelcome attention.

Some in this camp go as far as to say that women who do not cover court disrespect and in so doing deserve anything they get should they be harassed by men in the street or workplace.

This view is not unique to the Muslim community. Take a look at the way rape is handled in the West and you will not be able to escape the fact that society judges women not just by how they behave, but by what they wear.

I have lost count now of the number of times I have heard the phrase "She deserved it" in reference to an assault victim, just because she was wearing something deemed skimpy or provocative.

Societies the world over absolve the male of the species of the responsibility for self-control, by putting blame for original sin on the female.

It is the female who beguiles and seduces the poor, powerless male, who simply cannot control his natural urges.

That's the bit I object to. Forget all the arguments about dress, let's look at the place of the man in all of this.

Almost every society makes excuses for male promiscuity, infidelity, even sexual assault or rape, because it is assumed that man cannot control his primary urges and any woman who ignites them must take the blame for the consequences.

What a lovely cover for us men, the idea that we can't help ourselves and are therefore blame-free.

We cannot think above the waist, so therefore women must cover up.

We cannot control our desires, so women must never walk alone at night and if they do so, then it must be in fear.

We walk away unstained from casual affairs, while women with sexual appetites are dismissed as sluts.

Men sow their wild oats with impunity, then expect the woman they marry to be chaste and pure.

Somehow, somewhere down the evolution line, man pulled off the greatest con ever! lhorton@gdn.com.bh

After reading Les Horton's article, ' Men have pulled off the greatest con ever on women!' in today's paper, I can't help but feel how much better this world would have been if there were more men like him, indeed we even suffer from a shortage of women who think that way. There are way too many cultures in the world that teach their daughters that it is ok to be discriminated, ill-treated and subjected to unfair treatment in all walks of their lives by men. It is lamentable that it is almost always the mothers who impart this lesson in life. It was a very wise person who once said, "Only that culture/country will develop and reach the forefront where a woman is treated with respect and where a woman can live without fear." I often wonder whether the world wouldn't have been a safer, more peaceful and more beautiful place to live in had women managed to retain their rightful position as the superior sex.

I am still alive

My last blog was in November 2006...I haven't the faintest idea what I have been upto all these months...and no other reason other than laziness for not writing anything here...I often wonder how people manage to write so much so often....I have somehow become a very boring person....I keep dreaming about going places, seeing people...but I dont do anything about it. After a 9- hour work shift...my living room sofa is sheer heaven...I dont want to go out, I dont want anyone coming to visit me during the weekdays...I just want to curl up on the sofa with a book and drop of into lazy slumber...but during the weekend, I go crazy by evening...I need to get out, I keep hoping someone would come to visit...

I think I should quit my job and take a cruise around the world....hahah...talk about tall dreams....

Rashmi's resolutions for this year:-

1. Put aside a part of my pay packet to fund for a trip sometime this year...yes I am going to see some city I havent seen yet....

2. Quit my present job even if I dont land another one....this one resolution, I may give it some more time than the end of this year...perhaps a couple of months into 2008 too...

3. Write something here more often...

Blogger's back with a bang

blogger's back with a bang..i was supposed to write atleast once a week..atleast that was my idea when i started blogging..but then i guess everyone's figured out that I am too lazy to be a gal who sticks to her decisions..

About 6 months ago, as a result of career frustrations, or rather frustration due to the lack of a growing career(its been stagnant for the past couple of years), I went and registered for a correspondence course..a construction management course, which in the long run may do me some good..well as with all my frustrations, i forgot about it in a couple of weeks. Well this guy called me about a month ago and told me I have to appear for the exams in december....Whaaaat????what exams???he gently reminded me of the course i had joined, apparently very eagerly too..so now i spend my evenings pretending to study,.,oh well the follies of the transition period between youth and middle age (some people would argue that i am already middle aged, after all more people do die before their mid fifties these days)...

office is much more pleasanter than it was a few months ago..they have introduced a 2 day weekend..a very welcome change....now why does that line sound so familiar???uh oh....guess what,,,i had started writing a blog atleast 4 times in the last 3 months but never completed it and never posted it...and the only common line in all those attempts was this 2 day weekend news,...admittedly its stale news, but am stil exhilarated about it..its been 5 years since I have been deprived of this 5 day week luxury..and i love it..love it..love it...well..i better post this now..or this will join the other 4 incomplete posts in the personal folder on my computer...

well..this is a good start...will try and keep this updated...and u people out there..i really appreciate it that you took the time to read this rubbish and actually asked me to keep updating...thank you....

week 2- vacation

I was supposed to have posted this a week ago..had typed it out..but my server failed me..so couldnt send it..anyways..here goes.....


I am back at my in-laws’ place after a quick visiting spree. Somehow this vacation is not as enjoyable as the last one. Maybe I have gotten so used to being married that I feel slightly handicapped going places alone. That definitely is a dangerous trend. I really do value my independence even though I enjoy being married. Maybe we should take short breaks like this occasionally. I was hoping to be as carefree and travel around without a worry as I did during my single days, this being the first time we are apart after 2 years of marriage, but somehow I cannot recapture the zest of those days. Maybe I am really getting old. No way!!!! Me??? Old???? Not for another 30 years atleast.

I don’t even feel old enough to take that big step into mother hood. I am as yet unsure if I am mature enough to handle that responsibility. Talking of mother hood…there is one thing that irritates me greatly nowadays….why in heavens name can’t a couple get married and be blissfully happy with each other for some time and take their own time to expand their family? Why is it suddenly everybody’s business that we are childless? Nobody believes that it is by choice that we have delayed promoting ourselves to ‘parents’. There are a surprisingly large number of people who can’t imagine any other reason for marriage other than making babies. It really is frustrating when you have well meaning relatives and friends whispering useful addresses of gynaecologists in your ears. My grandmother even concocted some ayurvedic cure for the ‘problem’ that I may have. I am really ashamed to say that I was very harsh with her, as I was with many of my well meaning relatives.

For me marriage is all about companionship and sharing. A spouse is a best friend for life, someone who is aware of your innermost feelings, fears and joys, ambitions and quirks and who loves you inspite of all that. Babies may or may not be part of this state called marriage. For us, hopefully the babies will be a part of it, but when we are ready, not a moment before that. We are still discovering each other and enjoying our life together. Parenthood, in my opinion, is a big responsibility, and we should be totally ready for it when it comes. Whenever I think of it, I break into a sweat. I am sure I will be a lousy mother. Naveen is good with kids, he will make a great dad, but me…….both of us have doubts regarding that. Well then, obviously I am not ready for it…till then all those nosy parkers out there…stay away from me.

I went to Irakkavu a couple of days ago. It isn’t the ‘heaven on earth’ of my imagination any more. The children are all grown up, it just struck me how much the children of a place influence the character of the place. Every bit of the village is physically exactly as it was 15-20 years ago. But the people are all so different. My earliest memories of Irakkavu is playing with my young aunts and uncles. My mother was the eldest cousin to all of them and consequently I was the only baby around. I was treated like a princess especially since we used to be there only during the months of July and August. All of these aunts and uncles were all still in school at the time and I had a lot of fun with them. Sad to say they are all adults now with lots of responsibilities weighing their heads down and some of them even broken down with the blows life deals out. Till a few years ago, I still had the same kind of fun as I had all those years ago. From being the little niece to many uncles and aunts I became the big sister to all their children. But this vacation, I find all of those children almost adults. The youngest one is just a year or so short of teenage. I guess if they grow up right in front of you, you never realise that they are growing up. But when you are just a yearly visitor like I am, the marked differences strike a blow. Where did all the time go? In a couple of months’ time, I would have completed 28 years on this earth and what have I to show for it other than a large body? Oh well…life’s like that, and what the heck…I am still only 28, have a lifetime ahead of me to see the world and do all those things I want to do.

Rambler's back

Well, I guess I have proved beyond doubt that I am a lazy bum..2 entries and then a long silence…ofcourse I am just assuming that I have a large set of readers…talk about wishful thinking…

The main purpose of this blog was and hopefully still is, a journal..a record of my day to day life..especially since I am in India right now for vacation..I thought it would make interesting reading, if not for others, atleast to myself, later when I am back into the monotony of routine work life..I don’t know if anyone has tried this, but reading old letters and correspondence is really interesting and brings back a lot of memories…Six years ago, when I was in Ahmedabad to undergo my architectural internship, when I was bitten by the letter bug…I wrote countless number of letters to my friends, all doing training in different parts of India..ofcourse that was before I was infected with the ‘networm. Some of my friends are hoarders, Padma being the main one among them. She probably has letters dating from primary school…well anyway the point is that during our final year in college, I came across a couple of my letters to her during our training period..well that was a novel experience going through them, because each of them explained in detail a week or so of my time in Ahmedabad, things that I had long forgotten…well if 2 years can make so much of a difference what would 10, maybe 15, 20, I daren’t think of longer, years do?? Sad to say though, I never keep any letters, I get into this spring cleaning mood occasionally and I throw out all letters, bills etc..my purse is the only place that I fail to tidy up and empty off old stuff…reading this one would think that I am a neat freak, I am not, in fact, I am just the opposite. The point is that I wouldn’t have had to get into this spring cleaning mode if I was a basically neat person to start with, I have an almost irritating habit of misplacing and displacing things, and well the legendary laziness does pop up occasionally and that too most of the time right in the middle of a cleaning spree..

Do you think I keep jumping off topics at a tangent…from one topic to the other at random?? Well then….why do you think this is called my ramblings and scramblings???

Next post onwards I hope to give a more detailed account of my vacation...as a starter I would like to inform everyone that my brother in law, Praveen Mangalath gave up his single status as of yesterday...theres a new addition in the family...she is Sajila, a journalist based in Dubai, a very sweet gal...and hopefully a chance for me to move slightly out of focus in the eyes of neighbours and friends of the family.....

My self introduction

Hi everyone...I forgot the most basic thing when starting to blog...I forgot to introduce myself...ok..here goes...my name is Rashmi...Rashmi Raghavan...some people would insist that I be called Rashmi Naveen owing to the fact that I got married to Naveen 2 years ago...but no. I am still Rashmi Raghavan and I intend to remain the same till the day I die. I may have considered changing my name had he changed his name from Naveen Mangalath to Naveen Rashmi...I say I may have considered, but in all honesty I can confess I wouldn't have done it even then...I like my name...everyone knows me as Rashmi Raghavan..and I have never been able to understand why anyone would want to change a name they have carried around for more than a quarter of a century...does that mean that the life you had before your wedding day ceases to exist from this day forth. I feel our ancestors were very wise...They never changed their names, be it male or female...my grandmother, to this day carries her family name proudly, even after some 55 years of marriage, inspite of having no roots left in that branch of the family...its a pity that the matriarchal lineage that Kerala families follow is slowly becoming obsolete, it was and still is a unique system and probably invented centuries ago with reverence to the importance of the feminine...oh no..I did it again....a whole paragraph just to tell my name...

Ok to continue with my intro,...I was born and brought up in Bahrain...a tiny island in the Arabian Gulf..but my roots and my patriotism lies in a tiny place called Irakkavu in Pullad, Thiruvalla in Kerala, India...oops..long address...that's where my mother was born and brought up and where my family has roots centuries old...its what my husband would call a godforsaken place cut off from the rest of the world...and sure it is...mobile phones don't have range there, the T.V. cable is down most of the time, very frequent electricity power failures, and the worst thing...no public transport, either you have your own vehicle or you walk half an hour to catch a bus or find an autorikshaw...but I still love the place..it has an old world charm..lots of greenery, no polluting vehicles, grazing cows in the field, gossiping people with lots of time on their hands and these are people with 50 to 60 years of shared history among them...I still feel amazed at that...some of them have never left that tiny place in their entire lives...I know for a fact that I couldn't have lived like that on a permanent basis..as a visitor or as someone viewing it from the outside, life in Irakkavu is straight out of a story book, sublime and lovely...

Ok at this rate I am not going to finish my intro...so I am going to finish the rest of it in the next couple of lines...I am 27 years old, an architect by profession, have been married for 2 years, to another architect...we both work here for different consultancies, we have a nice little apartment here in Bahrain..oh maybe I should post some pictures of my home..come to think of it, maybe I should post a lot of pictures of my life..well..later..that requires a little more effort than just typing away to glory when I am supposed to be working...that reminds me..I have to get back to work..don't you think I have wasted enough company time for today...did I finish introducing myself?? Oh that's enough....there really is nothing else about boring old me..

so my blogs are going to be just insights into my less than colourful life....

My baby step into blogging

Ok..now I have started blogging too...for many months now, I have been thinking about doing tht..but as those who know me well know..I think and philosophise( did I spell that right?) a lot, but rarely if ever get around to doing anything...my laziness is almost a legend in the family..my mother claims that I was born a week later than the doctor's calculated due date because I was just too lazy to take the effort to push my way out of the safety of her body. She's also known to have said that I was the only baby she has known in her life who could sleep through a bath. Enough of the my lazy trait..lets get on with things..

So, here I am...yippee I am blogging too, but why would I blog?? Is there anything in my life which would interest anyone else?? But I really enjoy reading other people's blogs..so even if others may not get the same joy reading my blogs let me atleast enjoy writing them...just a vent to my emotions...I am at a stage in life where I can actually feel what little positivity (is there a word like that?) I had in my outlook draining away...careerwise I am on a tiny deserted island surrounded by the sea on all sides...nothings happening...and I am getting tired of the waiting..i should have done my PG when I had the chance...as an architect, my life is wasted here..not that I was a great architect to begin with..but I had so many dreams and aspirations..where did they all go..sad part is..i dont even remember some of them..could that happen??all my best friends scattered in different parts of the world..some of them as frustrated as I am with their careers...some of them managed to break even..and some actually happy with what they are doing...i used to enjoy what i do too...i loved%