week 2- vacation
I was supposed to have posted this a week ago..had typed it out..but my server failed me..so couldnt send it..anyways..here goes.....
I am back at my in-laws’ place after a quick visiting spree. Somehow this vacation is not as enjoyable as the last one. Maybe I have gotten so used to being married that I feel slightly handicapped going places alone. That definitely is a dangerous trend. I really do value my independence even though I enjoy being married. Maybe we should take short breaks like this occasionally. I was hoping to be as carefree and travel around without a worry as I did during my single days, this being the first time we are apart after 2 years of marriage, but somehow I cannot recapture the zest of those days. Maybe I am really getting old. No way!!!! Me??? Old???? Not for another 30 years atleast.
I don’t even feel old enough to take that big step into mother hood. I am as yet unsure if I am mature enough to handle that responsibility. Talking of mother hood…there is one thing that irritates me greatly nowadays….why in heavens name can’t a couple get married and be blissfully happy with each other for some time and take their own time to expand their family? Why is it suddenly everybody’s business that we are childless? Nobody believes that it is by choice that we have delayed promoting ourselves to ‘parents’. There are a surprisingly large number of people who can’t imagine any other reason for marriage other than making babies. It really is frustrating when you have well meaning relatives and friends whispering useful addresses of gynaecologists in your ears. My grandmother even concocted some ayurvedic cure for the ‘problem’ that I may have. I am really ashamed to say that I was very harsh with her, as I was with many of my well meaning relatives.
For me marriage is all about companionship and sharing. A spouse is a best friend for life, someone who is aware of your innermost feelings, fears and joys, ambitions and quirks and who loves you inspite of all that. Babies may or may not be part of this state called marriage. For us, hopefully the babies will be a part of it, but when we are ready, not a moment before that. We are still discovering each other and enjoying our life together. Parenthood, in my opinion, is a big responsibility, and we should be totally ready for it when it comes. Whenever I think of it, I break into a sweat. I am sure I will be a lousy mother. Naveen is good with kids, he will make a great dad, but me…….both of us have doubts regarding that. Well then, obviously I am not ready for it…till then all those nosy parkers out there…stay away from me.
I went to Irakkavu a couple of days ago. It isn’t the ‘heaven on earth’ of my imagination any more. The children are all grown up, it just struck me how much the children of a place influence the character of the place. Every bit of the village is physically exactly as it was 15-20 years ago. But the people are all so different. My earliest memories of Irakkavu is playing with my young aunts and uncles. My mother was the eldest cousin to all of them and consequently I was the only baby around. I was treated like a princess especially since we used to be there only during the months of July and August. All of these aunts and uncles were all still in school at the time and I had a lot of fun with them. Sad to say they are all adults now with lots of responsibilities weighing their heads down and some of them even broken down with the blows life deals out. Till a few years ago, I still had the same kind of fun as I had all those years ago. From being the little niece to many uncles and aunts I became the big sister to all their children. But this vacation, I find all of those children almost adults. The youngest one is just a year or so short of teenage. I guess if they grow up right in front of you, you never realise that they are growing up. But when you are just a yearly visitor like I am, the marked differences strike a blow. Where did all the time go? In a couple of months’ time, I would have completed 28 years on this earth and what have I to show for it other than a large body? Oh well…life’s like that, and what the heck…I am still only 28, have a lifetime ahead of me to see the world and do all those things I want to do.
I am back at my in-laws’ place after a quick visiting spree. Somehow this vacation is not as enjoyable as the last one. Maybe I have gotten so used to being married that I feel slightly handicapped going places alone. That definitely is a dangerous trend. I really do value my independence even though I enjoy being married. Maybe we should take short breaks like this occasionally. I was hoping to be as carefree and travel around without a worry as I did during my single days, this being the first time we are apart after 2 years of marriage, but somehow I cannot recapture the zest of those days. Maybe I am really getting old. No way!!!! Me??? Old???? Not for another 30 years atleast.
I don’t even feel old enough to take that big step into mother hood. I am as yet unsure if I am mature enough to handle that responsibility. Talking of mother hood…there is one thing that irritates me greatly nowadays….why in heavens name can’t a couple get married and be blissfully happy with each other for some time and take their own time to expand their family? Why is it suddenly everybody’s business that we are childless? Nobody believes that it is by choice that we have delayed promoting ourselves to ‘parents’. There are a surprisingly large number of people who can’t imagine any other reason for marriage other than making babies. It really is frustrating when you have well meaning relatives and friends whispering useful addresses of gynaecologists in your ears. My grandmother even concocted some ayurvedic cure for the ‘problem’ that I may have. I am really ashamed to say that I was very harsh with her, as I was with many of my well meaning relatives.
For me marriage is all about companionship and sharing. A spouse is a best friend for life, someone who is aware of your innermost feelings, fears and joys, ambitions and quirks and who loves you inspite of all that. Babies may or may not be part of this state called marriage. For us, hopefully the babies will be a part of it, but when we are ready, not a moment before that. We are still discovering each other and enjoying our life together. Parenthood, in my opinion, is a big responsibility, and we should be totally ready for it when it comes. Whenever I think of it, I break into a sweat. I am sure I will be a lousy mother. Naveen is good with kids, he will make a great dad, but me…….both of us have doubts regarding that. Well then, obviously I am not ready for it…till then all those nosy parkers out there…stay away from me.
I went to Irakkavu a couple of days ago. It isn’t the ‘heaven on earth’ of my imagination any more. The children are all grown up, it just struck me how much the children of a place influence the character of the place. Every bit of the village is physically exactly as it was 15-20 years ago. But the people are all so different. My earliest memories of Irakkavu is playing with my young aunts and uncles. My mother was the eldest cousin to all of them and consequently I was the only baby around. I was treated like a princess especially since we used to be there only during the months of July and August. All of these aunts and uncles were all still in school at the time and I had a lot of fun with them. Sad to say they are all adults now with lots of responsibilities weighing their heads down and some of them even broken down with the blows life deals out. Till a few years ago, I still had the same kind of fun as I had all those years ago. From being the little niece to many uncles and aunts I became the big sister to all their children. But this vacation, I find all of those children almost adults. The youngest one is just a year or so short of teenage. I guess if they grow up right in front of you, you never realise that they are growing up. But when you are just a yearly visitor like I am, the marked differences strike a blow. Where did all the time go? In a couple of months’ time, I would have completed 28 years on this earth and what have I to show for it other than a large body? Oh well…life’s like that, and what the heck…I am still only 28, have a lifetime ahead of me to see the world and do all those things I want to do.
posted by rambling muser at 8:10 AM
2 Comments:
U have me interested!
i am so not used to getting comments that I never saw this one....I am soooo sorry dear Lakshmi and thank you so much for reading it...this is a few months late..even then...
Post a Comment
<< Home